Beast and The Harlot
by nowherenew
Summary: Hidan's new partner, Kakuzu, is an asshole. He's cruel and inconsiderate and doesn't respect Jashin. But despite this, Hidan feels something he's never felt before for the creep. Is it what he thinks it is? hidakaku hidan kakuzu kakuhida yaoi/shonen-ai.
1. Chapter 1

When Hidan first saw Kakuzu, he thought, "Freak." When he first talked to him, he thought, "Asshole." When he first found out the stitched up man was his roommate, he thought, "Fuck." When he first had a mission from the Akatsuki with him, he thought, "Murder." But he never thought that he'd be thinking, "Hot damn, I love that man."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Of course, when Hidan initially joined the Akatsuki, he thought it would be all about the badass stuff. Murder, extortion, kidnapping. He wanted to please Jashin, and committing crimes was the best thing the albino fanatic could do to make his god happy. So he joined Akatsuki. He thought it was going to be free-for-all. Sure, there were other members to deal with, all of which got on Hidan's very dangerous nerves. He had a short fuse, and it was not a very good thing to light it. His language was coarse and his attitude malevolent, not to mention he held grudges. If you made a bad impression on Hidan, it was over for you. If he got you alone in a room, he'd brutally kill you and offer you as a sacrifice to Jashin. Needless to say, Kakuzu pissed him off the minute he saw the jerkoff.

Hidan had been in Pein's office for what seemed like hours, listening to things like rules and regulations and even a release form. Hidan thought it was retarded, how Pein was making use of the law when he lived for the complete opposite. He almost called his new redheaded boss a filthy hypocrite, but refrained, knowing he'd pay for it. He was already pissed off because Hidan had made rude comments about the "don't kill other Akatsuki members" rule. He didn't understand why the guy got so mad, really. Hidan just mumbled something about "bastards could use a little pain, whip them into shape." No big deal, seriously. The guy shouldn't be so damned touchy.

Hidan, sufficiently grumpy from all the stupid rules, was muttering threats under his breath as he walked down a dimly lit corridor, looking at his hands and the ring he had been given as an initiation of his membership to Akatsuki. Shadows danced across the walls, even though Hidan was the only one in the hallway that he could see. It made him feel at home, the eerie atmosphere. He had always been one for the occult and other abnormal things that the everyday person feared without reason. He hated how people didn't know a damn thing about the occult and they still treated it as if it was all evil rituals and Satanic sacrifices like mutilating dogs and hanging them over burning tires. Even Jashin wasn't that hardcore. Their narrow little minds convinced them that unless it was some stupid mainstream religion, you shouldn't worship any god.

As he was thinking about this in his mind, Hidan looked up and came eye to eye with vivid emerald lights. He jumped a bit, but then realized that the "lights" were eyes. The face that held them was hidden from nose to collarbone by a cloth mask. His skin was dark, a mocha hue, and Hidan saw stitches all over the man's face. Hidan stepped back soundlessly, inspecting the man further. Stitches littered his whole body, on his wrists, elbows, and on his shoulders, as well as his ankles, knees, and most likely his upper thighs as well. All this gazing had taken Hidan around four or so seconds. He thought to himself, "Psuedo. Schizo. Creeper. Hooker for doctors?" For once in his life, he went against one of his moral rules and thought of someone with disdain for being a freak. He was a freak himself, after all, and Hidan wasn't really a hypocrite, only now and then making comments that he didn't really mean that would define him as a hypocrite.

The jade eyes narrowed. "Who are you," he said in a smooth, low tone, "and what are you doing here?" He seemed quite irritated at the sight of Hidan. Hidan wondered why the guy was so riled up. The albino wasn't that frustrating just to look at. He was tall, which intimidated some, and muscular, but also lanky and good-looking.

Hidan smirked cockily and held up the black and red cloak Pein had given him. "My name's Hidan, and…"

"I don't care, you know. Just tell me what you're doing here. Nobody cares who you are. Only why you're in our base, and that you don't belong here." The bright green orbs rolled in annoyance.

He just stood there for a moment, looking at the man's face. He realized that the guy really didn't care in the slightest what his name was. The pale man scowled and growled, "You know, if you fucking have a problem with me, you can go fuck off and screw yourself into a goddamn wall, retard." He pushed past the freaky stitch man and mumbled something about not asking a question if you didn't give a shit about the answer. He hadn't even given his own name, that rude bastard. Of course, Hidan wasn't one to call others rude, but nonetheless, that guy just pissed him off. As soon as the bastard was out of sight, Hidan muttered, "Asshole."

oOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoOoO

Hidan never expected that there would be a roommate system involved. Of course, he noticed that the other Akatsuki went on missions as a double, or a quadruple, and certain members always hung around together, but he didn't think about a _roommate. _Hidan wasn't the best at social contact. He always scared people away or his rituals freaked people out. Sometimes he even sacrificed people to Jashin. Of course, after a bit of complaining and cursing, he really didn't see a problem with having a roommate. He would just tell them to shut the hell up and leave him alone.

But that was before Pein told him who his roommate was.

He didn't know Schizo's name, but he knew that they were assigned to be roommates. Schizo always sat alone, whilst all the others except that basketball-faced ADHD kid always had another member right by them. Pein had called Hidan to his office and said, "Hidan, I'm assigning you our roommate today, since you'll have to sleep on the couch if I don't. His name is Kakuzu." He was sorting papers, not even glancing at Hidan. At the silence he heard from the albino, who stood stock still, unmoving, he looked up. Usually after about half a minute of silence, the members would leave. Hidan was just standing there, teeth clenched, hands in fists at his side. Schizo?! SCHIZO!? Of all people, the doctor's boy? Surgery freak? Fuck. _Fuck. _

Pein laced his fingers together and placed them on his desk. "Is there a problem, Hidan?" His tone warned Hidan not to complain. It was almost a dare, egging Hidan to be rude. "Do you and Kakuzu have issues with one another? Because your abilities will be unstoppable in a battle. I put you two together for the sole reason that you two would be very powerful as a team. Are you going to accept my decision?"

Hidan stood there for a minute in silence, trying to say something, anything. After a moment, he stopped grinding his teeth together and managed to say something without cursing fluently. "I have no problem with Schi-Kakuzu."

"Schi." Pein glared up at Hidan. "Would you care to repeat that word, please?"

"Um, no, sir. I wouldn't." The intensity of Pein's icy stare made the albino's magenta eyes have to avert from meeting the gaze. Hidan felt his palms start to sweat. Immortal or not, Hidan could be torn apart and his body parts scattered. If he pissed the Leader off, it would be very, very bad. He thought about the situation at hand. If he repeated the word, and Pein knew that he had been seriously offensive to Schizo, he could be punished. He most likely would be. On the other hand, if he retained his information and refused to tell Pein, the red headed piercing-whore would get angry, and frustrated, and everyone hates a mad boss, especially when they can kill you at a whim. He decided that a pissed off boss was more promising than a murderous one. He quickly drew breath and mumbled, "Um." He cleared his throat and said in a more auditory tone, "I called Kakuzu 'Schizo', sir. He and I don't get along very well, so I…"

"Silence, Hidan," Pein said. "Don't disrespect the rest of the team. We are a work force, Hidan, and drama between roommates and partners will only give me a headache. Do try to be cordial when around your new colleagues. They just might save your life one day, so you'd better be gracious."

Deciding not to point out that he was immortal and his life didn't need saving, Hidan nodded. "Yes, sir."

"Kakuzu is waiting for you outside with your belongings," Pein stated, returning to his oh-so-interesting paperwork. Thirty seconds went by silently as no clocks were present, but Hidan had been counting them subconsciously. Pein looked up at Hidan. "Why are you still here?"

Hidan swallowed and shook his head. "Sorry, sir," he said through gritted teeth—he hated apologizing—and turned to leave, trying to think of something. His mind had been completely blank, probably because of his new room assignment. This really couldn't get much worse.

He saw Kakuzu leaning outside the door. "Hi, Schizo," he growled gutturally. He noticed that Schizo's stitches started to… move? "What the fucking hell?!" He jumped back as tentacle-like appendages emerged from the stitches and Hidan realized they _were _the stitches. What in Jashin's name was this guy's issue?

"Hidan, I will not tolerate any misbehavior from you. I don't care if you're some sort of cult priest or whatever. If you piss me off, you will pay, with or without your god." The midnight black tentacles slithered around Hidan's neck. "Don't be a prick… it'll come back to you, believe me." Some other tentacles squeezed Hidan's wrist, cutting his skin and drawing blood. Although Hidan was quite tall, Schizo was taller and he sure looked scary right now. Hidan smiled at the pain from his hand. Such a masochist.

Hidan would have nodded, but he knew that his head could come clean off, and then he'd have to sew it back on for like the fifteenth time that month. He could usually find a doctor and threaten to kill him if he didn't sew his damned head back on, but he doubted there were any doctors around here. So instead of going into a situation like that, he simply said quietly, "Yeah, okay."

Kakuzu's tentacles removed themselves from Hidan's neck and wrists. Hidan scowled and rubbed his wounded hands, secretly enjoying the pain. "What are those things?"

"My bloodline limit allows me to use these threads for medical purposes. They're like stitches. Hard to explain," Kakuzu said gruffly. He glared at Hidan. "Pein-sama made us work together for one reason and one reason alone, you little brat. Because I can't kill you. I can chop you up and it won't kill you, I can cut your head clean off, I can drown you, throw you off a building, anything; you won't die. You're immortal. Pein-dono couldn't handle getting me all these new partners. We're not here to be friends or make little friendship bracelets or hold each others hands or care about each other. You're here to humour me and do as I say on missions and stay the fuck out of my way when we're not on missions. Are we completely clear?"

Hidan growled gutturally, "Fine. Damn it to hell, did I just consent to being a fucking slave?! Shit cakes… oh well… in the name of fucking Jashin, the unholy painful spirit by thou rules I abide, hallowed be thy name and manner…"

His prayer was interrupted by a fist to the face. "What the FUCK are you doing, Albino?!" Schizo glared at Hidan though lightning green orbs.

"Praying, dipshit. Did it fucking look like I was making shittin' balloon animals?" Hidan's acid tongue lashed out at the hooded and masked man in front of him. He pushed the slightly larger man in the chest. "You bastard. Asshole, be accepting of others' beliefs!"

"For a 'priest', you sure curse a lot. Are you really as religious as you say?" Kakuzu scoffed, ignoring the shove.

"Jashin isn't like those goody-goody religions. He's not some pansy god," Hidan countered. "You'll see soon enough, heathen." He smirked. "Where the fucking hell are our rooms?"

"Ugh, you're such a brat. We share a room," Schizo/Kakuzu said slowly, walking down the hall and pointing at a door at the end of the corridor they were in. "This is our room." He looked around and then, upon seeing that Hidan was absent from his side, he yelled, "get down this hall, stupid dumbass! Do I have to tell you to do everything myself?!"

Hidan growled, but ran after the large man. "Hey, hey, I'm shittin' sorry, okay?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "No you're not, asshole. Okay, anyway, this is our room. I do work in here. You are to stay silent, keep to yourself, and just be invisible when in here. Am I completely clear?"

Hidan smirked, "Wait, what was that? I'm a bit deaf in that ear."

The hooded man glared at him menacingly. Hidan bit back an "Ooooh, I'm so scared of the big bad roommate" comment.

So, they would be living together.

Lovely.


	2. Chapter 2

Hidan walked into the room and frowned. He was used to having his own space. He liked being alone. It wasn't in his nature to become attached to anything or anyone. If he became emotionally tied down to something, he had to kill it or destroy it. That was just one of Jashin's commandments. Hidan lived to serve Jashin. He was Jashin's most loyal follower. He wasn't going to throw away everything he worked for just because he got emotionally attached to someone. That being said, he was appalled at the room. There were two single beds, pushed together. The dirty psycho was so greedy, he'd use his dead partners' beds? That was just gross, Hidan thought.

"Where the fuck is my bed, bastard?" He pretended not to notice there were two. "Do you want me to sleep with you or something, asshole? That's not going to happen, I hope you know that, stupid. I belong to Jashin. My body is Jashin's property, my soul his mortgage. I am in complete possession of the all-knowing god. I'm not going near that bed. Get me another one, asshole."

Kakuzu shoved Hidan down onto the floor, fury and murderous intent flashing in his bright eyes. "Shut up, you retard. Can't you see it's two motherfucking beds?!" He stomped over and shoved the one bad away from the other, so it tipped over and all the sheets came off and fell to the floor. The bed frame was on it's side, and the mattress was lying on top of the mess of sheets. "Happy, you stupid zealot?!"

­

"Heathen! Jashin will purge the world of your asshole-ity!" Hidan continued to curse fluidly and the man, insults and threats pouring from his mouth like a first language. "You're such a stupid assfucking money-grubber who can't get his fucking feelings under control and likes to make motherfucking trouble! You probably fuck useless whores on the street and pretend they're your mom! You're such a Schizophrenic freak, you should go to a motherfucking funny farm, because you fucking don't belong here and your stupid fucking bloodline limit is a ton of bullshit! You're full of bullshit! You're _made _of bullshit, you stupid fuck! I bet you fantasize about screwing the shit out of animals! You're sick! You're such an asshat! You should be repented, but you're too far fucking gone for Jashin to save you now, you piece of assfucking bullshit!" He took a deep breath and looked around, realizing he didn't see Kakuzu. "Get back here, you fucktard, I'm not done with you!"

"I'm done with you, Hidan. You're pathetic. Talk to me again when you grow up. You're acting like a toddler. Make your fricking bed. I should chop off your head and let you look for it on your own. I am so not stitching your limbs back on, no matter what Leader says. You're a whining baby, and I cannot believe Pein-sama just sat you down with me. I'm going out. Don't follow me." He slammed the door after he stalked out of the room.

"I wouldn't follow you even if you took my scythe!" Hidan's yell echoed in the halls, then a smacking sound followed suit. "Shit! Jashin-dono, I didn't mean that, seriously. I'm sorry, Jashin, I didn't mean it! I promise I didn't mean it, my lord. I promise," he cried, continuing to pray to Jashin for half an hour. Hidan had few responsibilities in life. As a follower of Jashin, he only had a select few responsibilities. But nonetheless, those few duties were more important than anything.

Responsibility Number One: Always do what Jashin says. No questions, just follow orders.

Responsibility Number Two: Pray to Jashin at least three times every day.

Responsibility Number Three: Never take Jashin's rosary off your neck.

Responsibility Number Four: Sacrifice four virgins to Jashin every month.

Responsibility Number Five: Never let anyone else touch your rosary or scythe.

Hidan had indirectly violated Responsibility Number Five. Making an irrational claim like he did was just as bad as letting Kakuzu take his precious scythe.

Kakuzu reached the main room of the Akatsuki base and clenched his hands into fists, slamming his fist down on the coffee table. He sat down next to Sasori and held his head in his hands, groaning. "Argh! I cannot believe that dipshit is my partner! And I can't even kill the dumb fuck!'

Sasori blinked. "The new guy giving you trouble?"

"No, he's a ball of sunshine. Of fucking course he is! He's so irritating! He's like a little kid stuck in a twenty five year old's body! God damnit, I want to _kill _him!" Kakuzu punched the armrest of the couch.

Sasori sighed. "Deidara gets very annoying too. He never shuts up."

Kakuzu turned on the redhead, his eyes flashing. "This is nothing like the blonde. Hidan's so loud. He's obnoxious. He's an asshole. He curses every other word, Sasori. You don't understand. He's impossible. He's a child. He's a baby! He whines about everything imaginable! He has this weird god called Jashin and he obsesses over everything! He starts praying when I'm trying to work. He can't go thirty mother fucking seconds without hearing his damned voice! And the worst part is, he's a damn immortal. I can't even kill him!"

Sasori smirked condescendingly to the man beside him. "Hm. This is a dilemma," he said, putting a sarcastic emphasis on the word "is."

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "You're an amazing friend, aren't you?"

Sasori shrugged. "Empathy isn't my forte. Puppet, remember?"

Kakuzu nodded. "Whatever."

o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O o O

Hidan was in his room, kneeling on the floor. The bed was made, if you can call sheets tossed on top of a mattress "made". A bloody mark was on the floor, a big circle with a triangle inside it. Hidan was shirtless, his Akatsuki cloak folded neatly on the floor next to the symbol. He was kneeling in the center of the bloody drawing on the floor, kunai in hand. He brought the sharp blade to his arm and made a wide gash in his upper forearm.

Moaning slightly, he panted as he retrieved the knife from his arm. Hidan's religion required ceremonies that consisted completely of inflicting severe physical damage upon yourself. Hidan didn't mind this in the slightest. If anything, the immortality Jashin granted him made him enjoy these rituals greatly. He wasn't ashamed of his masochism, and he wasn't going to start being ashamed of it anytime soon. It was who he was. If you didn't like who he was, he didn't care. Hidan wasn't going to change for anyone, no matter what. and as he dug a razorblade into his wrist and felt the ecstasy of the liquid pain dribbling down his palm, he knew why he revered Jashin. Jashin made him feel alive. Pain made him feel alive.

Unfortunately, Hidan's feeling of being alive would have to be postponed, because at the very moment Hidan was preparing to stab himself in the stomach with a kitchen knife, Kakuzu walked in the room. At first, he didn't notice Hidan's ritual. But as he was walking across the room to his desk, he heard a needy whimper, an almost sexual sound as he listened to it. Looking between Hidan's bed and the wall, he saw that Hidan had thrown his sheets onto his bed and pushed his bed to the side to allow around eight square feet of room. He was sitting in the middle of a bloody symbol, red-stained blades sitting beside him as he cut himself deeply. Kakuzu's eyes widened and he screamed at Hidan so much that Hidan thought he would be shot and killed that very minute.

"YOU CREEP! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?! GET THAT BLOOD CLEANED UP, YOU WORTHLESS JACKASS! CLEAN IT UP! NOW!" He threw a box at Hidan that impacted the younger man's head painfully. Instead of doubling over and whining like Kakuzu thought he would, Hidan panted heavily, obviously liking how it felt to have things thrown at him.

"D-do that again.... please...." His request was little more than a breathy whisper, but Kakuzu heard it loud and clear.

He made a disgusted face and groaned. "Ugh. Hidan, get the hell up off that thing and start cleaning, or I swear to god I'll get Leader to kill you somehow."

Hidan just stared at him as if he had committed an unspeakable crime. Well, not murder or something. For Akatsuki members like them, that was no big deal. More like something eternally horrible. He just stared at him, open mouthed. Kakuzu growled furiously, "WHAT?!" He subconsciously ran a hand over his face to check if his mask was still there. Usually when people stared at him, they were staring at his face. He wasn't going to deny it. He was hideous. He was a monster. Even though he killed anyone who stared at him like that in a quite livid, brutal fashion, he could understand why they would stare. He was disgusting. But Hidan's reply made him blink twice in confusion.

"Jashin."

"Jashin what? What's Jashin?"

"You said, 'I swear to god.' You mean, 'I swear to Jashin," Hidan replied as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He enunciated the last "Jashin" quite clearly and obnoxiously.

Kakuzu, after realizing what the kid was getting at, yelled in his frustration. "Aaarggh!!! I cannot, will not deal with this! I don't believe this! Sweet mother of Jesus, why does this happen to me! I'd even prefer some of the other partners to this oaf!"

Hidan frowned. "Not my fault you're a blasphemous retard," he retorted angrily. He uttered a "Jashin" before getting up, cursing under his breath at the taller man who stood between him and the bathroom. "You gonna move or what?" He made a face at Kakuzu.

"You are the single most irritating, immature, unintelligent people I have ever met, you zealot," Kakuzu sighed, shoving Hidan to the side before going over to sit on his own bed which was neatly made compared to the mess Hidan's cot was.

Hidan was silent for once, stepping inside the bathroom. He had not a clue why, but that particular jibe had hurt him. He was somber as he stepped inside the bathroom, relieving himself of his clothes and throwing them at the wall, not having the strength to curse. He was offended. That stupid surgery slut had offended him. Hurt his feelings. Made him feel bad. What was happening?! Hidan never cared what other people thought of him. He never has, and he never will. So why was he just starting to care? Why did he think of it at all?

Stepping into the shower-bath and starting to run some hot water, Hidan grumbled to himself. As the warm tendrils from the showerhead hit his back, he sighed, rubbed his forehead to scrape some of the once again wet blood from his light hair. Knowing that his partner absolutely detested any waste in money, he took his sweet time wasting the hot water, knowing that the plumbing bill would drive Schizo over the edge. Chuckling softly to himself as he devised ways to torture his new roommate, Hidan continued to lather himself with soap, washing his hair thoroughly and uttering a soft prayer to Jashin before turning off the water. Forty five minutes of wasted water seemed enough, he thought. His real shower had only taken him fifteen, after all.

But Hidan's victory was short lived as the stitched freak came screaming at him. Really? Seriously, did he really just do that? Hidan had _just _gotten out of the shower. He had two seconds of being in their room before the arguments started. A white towel hung loosely around his slender, thin hips, held up only by a messy knot on his right side. He rolled his eyes as Kakuzu came upon him once more.

"Could you please give me the great horror of knowing what is going through your peanut brain when you do things? You're such a worthless, lazy jackass. Do you realize how much money you wasted just now? You could have shortened that shower by at least a half hour, Hidan! What the hell are you thinking?! Do you ever do _anything_ right?! No, you don't! Because you're stupid and useless, and you're such a pain in the fucking ass I can't even tell you!" He stopped rambling to Hidan and just stood there, glaring holes into Hidan's forehead. He breathed heavily, almost foaming at the mouth. Hidan repressed a laugh at the thought of Kakuzu foaming at the mouth. The older man seethed there for a few more minutes, then groaned, vocalizing his frustration in a very clear way. He shoved Hidan into the wall, growling. "And I can't even hurt you, because you like that shit, you sick little asshole." After gazing menacingly at Hidan once more, he just turned and want to sit down at his desk, his face a dark shade from his fury.

Hidan could only grab his towel to make sure it didn't fall before laughing hysterically. He wasn't able to contain himself, he just started cracking up and couldn't stop. He doubled over onto his bed, tears springing to his eyes as he cackled and giggled manically.

Kakuzu whirled around in his chair, his eyes flashing furiously. He pressed his lips together, just looking at the frantic priest writhing on the bed, laughing uncontrollably. When the albino finally was unable to laugh anymore and started pathetically wheezing, Kakuzu's green orbs narrowed, his expression livid. He finally found his voice, calm and collected in volume but with the fury of a first degree burn, and said, "What. Are. You. Laughing. At." It was a question, but he didn't bother confusing the tiny mind of the boy across the room by rising his voice to make it sound like the question it posed.

Hidan was rolling around, clutching the stitch in his side as he tried to calm down. He finally was able to soothe his frenzied state, and he sat up, still giggling slightly. He looked at Kakuzu, grinning widely, and said, "You said I was a pain in the ass. But h-how would you know that, ahahahaa?!" He seemed to just barely be able to force out those few words without returning to his previous splendor of fits. He started laughing again, then froze at Kakuzu's glower. He leaned back on his elbows, his towel not nearly covering his groin. He smirked at Kakuzu, who was glowering at him, but with less power now.

Kakuzu frowned. "Sit back up. That's disgusting." Inside, he was contemplating why he had to fight to control his breathing.

"We're all boys here, chief. Does it really matter?" Hidan's bell of a voice just made Kakuzu go insane, and not in the good way. He grunted in aggravation, completely furious with how the zealot was so amused by his uncomfortable state.

"Yes, it does matter, you creep. Stop that."

Hidan pouted. "Or what? You'll throw things at me? That didn't work last time, did it? Hm?" He cocked an eyebrow at the larger man sitting at the pale wood desk, turned around. "If it's bothering you, just turn around. Or does it not bother you?" He smirked.

"I'm not going to turn around," was the reply from the stitched man.

This went on for a while.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Ooh, oops. I don't do these a lot. Author's Notes, I mean. I just wanted to prattle a little. ANYWAY. This story is going to go slow. I'll TRY to have at least one update per month until summer comes again, but you know the deal. School = not that much free time.

This story is rated M for EXCESSIVE cursing, sexual themes, sexual instances in later chapters, the smothering sexiness that is Hidan, and also other stuff.

I can tell you right now that this chapter will be short, because I'm just now finishing it up with like 45 minutes left until I have to be in bed. I want to get some sleep before the first day of school.

Disclaimer: "All I had was me and my hoe." –Tom Robinson, _To Kill A Mockingbird. _I DON'T own Naruto, Hidan, Kakuzu, the Akatsuki, To Kill a Mockingbird, or a plasma gun. I do own the yaoi in this story, but I don't make money from it. Sadly.

Have fun with your reading,

Christie

Walking into the living room, Hidan plopped down on the couch next to a mass of blonde hair. The couch was surprisingly comfortable. Hidan expected everything in the Akatsuki base to be dingy and cheap, considering Kakuzu was in charge of finances. He shot a grin at the blonde boy next to him. "Hey," he said.

Deidara smiled back at him. "Hey, hm," he replied. Hidan had been in the Akatsuki for three weeks now. Deidara was the closest thing he had to a friend in the organization. Deidara was spunky and nice, and he was funny as well. He was spontaneous and quick, and he always had something to say, but he was a great listener, too. Hidan could vent and rant for hours and Deidara wouldn't say a thing unless necessary.

Hidan sighed, stretching out across the couch, forcing Deidara to frown and complain as his space was invaded. "Hidan! Stop that, you jerk, I was here first!" He whined a bit, then Hidan cocked an eyebrow at him and the blonde rolled his eyes. Hidan smirked, uttered a "no you weren't," and continued to poke and prod at Deidara with his feet, wanting to make use of the entire sofa. Deidara slapped at Hidan's bare feet, saying in an annoyed tone, "I _was _here first, you meanie. Stop trying to get me off the couch!"

"You're such a pain, blondie. Territory. I marked this couch before you got here."

"I've been in Akatsuki longer than you!"

"I'm taller."

"I'm prettier!"

"Are not."

"Oh, yes I am, you jerk...."

"Take it back." Hidan's eyes were glaring into the single visible sky blue orb. He was quite serious, and his tone said so. He knew it wasn't true, and so did Deidara. Of course, Deidara was extremely attractive in his own way, but Hidan was sculpted perfection. Deidara's feminine appearance and demure face shape made him seem quite beautiful in a youthful, womanly way. Hidan was masculine and strong, his form toned and balanced. His slightly lanky shape was only good for his obvious strength, making his muscles and form look even better. He was perfection. He was a follower of Jashin. Not that Jashin made any difference, but he was damn hot and he knew it.

Deidara paused. He knew that Hidan's ego was not only incredibly large but also very sensitive to comments about his physical appearance. He knew he was sexy, but he hated when people said he wasn't. It was a Hidan thing. He sighed finally and mumbled loud enough for the albino to hear, "Okay, I'm sorry Hidan..."

Hidan nodded once. There was quiet then. Not an awkward silence, exactly, because the awkwardness in the air wasn't enough to constitute an awkward silence. It was more of a pregnant pause. He then sighed, forcing a laugh. "Stupid jackass. Nobody's prettier than I am."

"Shut up, you egotistical freak, yeah." Deidara rolled his eyes. He was well aware that Hidan's self-esteem could smother him and gnaw his arms off. But as the albino's friend, he had certain privileges, such as arguing with the priest and not ending up dismembered and being sacrificed to Jashin. He and the taller man got along quite well, and they could bicker without getting serious or harmfully violent. They were a force to be reckoned with.

"Mmm, I love hearing that," Hidan said, feigning sexual attraction. He panted and cried, "Ah, yeah! Say it again, Deidara! Nggh!"

Deidara gagged, laughing. "Oh, gross. That's nasty, Hidan in bed. Can someone say FUGLY?!" He smirked over at the albino.

"Oh, wait, did you say 'fugly' ? You must mean DELISH." Hidan flashed a sneer at the blonde, knowing full well he'd won this round.

"Oh, shut up and bother Kakuzu." Deidara playfully pushed Hidan away from him on the couch.

"Oh, I'd love to piss that motherfucker off, but he's not nearly as touchy as he was in the beginning. I mean, ever since my third day, he's kind of indifferent. No matter what I say or do, he's all calm and shit. Not very fucking entertaining. Damn heathen." Hidan grumbled and picked at a scab on his wrist.

"That sucks. Sasori Danna just locks me out of the room until curfew."

"Curfew?" Hidan stared at Deidara as though he'd grown an extra limb. "What the fucking hell are you chittering on about?"

"Oh, um... yeah.... Sasori Danna gave me a curfew. It's so stupid, seeing as I'm always in the base unless we're on missions, which we're on together. It's stupid. It's more of a 'stay out of the room until now, but if you're not here now you sleep in the hall' kind of thing. Sasori's harsh," Deidara muttered embarrassedly.

Hidan sighed. "He's just an antisocial freak." Getting up from the couch, Hidan stretched and rubbed his left shoulder with his right hand. "Nnnn, sore." He nodded to Deidara. "I'm off. Time to try and delve into deep shit with Mr. Kakuzu. See you later, hot stuff." He tossed the TV remote to Deidara and winked. "Tape me something good, kay?"

Deidara just rolled his eyes, clicking his tongue and waving without looking back at Hidan. The albino strolled back to his and Kakuzu's room, thinking of ways to piss off his partner. Several variations of his ever-so-charming religious ceremonies that he knew got on Kakuzu's nerves came to mind, but after pondering those for a moment, Hidan decided not to utilize his religion in this instance. For one, that would be sinful, even though Jashin would enjoy his rites being used to torment—Hidan simply did not want to use his faith. Also, Hidan performed these rituals daily. What was the fun in just going over old stuff? Hidan wanted to be original and painfully irritating this time.

Upon reaching his room, Hidan had rested on one plan. His face was covered from a smug, mischievous grin. Reaching for the doorknob, he retained a manic giggle of pure naughtiness as he took a deep breath, sobered his expression, and said quietly to himself, "Rock and roll, Hidan."

Slamming the door open with his foot, Hidan sang the lyrics to the remake of "Video Killed The Radio Star" by Amber Pacific quite loudly. "I heard you on the wireless back in '52, lying awake intent on tuning in on you...."

Kakuzu was, as always, sitting at his desk, a look of frustration painted across his stitched face, which was uncovered by his usual mask. He cured this by hastily pulling up his mask to prevent Hidan from seeing his mess of a face. The kid was damn gorgeous, even though Kakuzu hated his guts, and Kakuzu wasn't about to give him another reason to annoy him on a silver platter.

Hidan walked over to his dark-haired partner and said obnoxiously, "Sing with me, Kakuzu! Video killed the radio star, video killed the radio star...." He smirked evilly, knowing that Kakuzu absolutely hated almost all music and wouldn't tell Hidan what music he DID like.

Kakuzu frowned, pinching the bridge of his nose in aggravation. "Hidan, just shut up or leave me alone." He knew Hidan would gladly die before listening to any request of his, but it was no problem to try it out first. Even if it was futile, he might as well try.

"But then I would never have any fun, Kakuzu!" Hidan pouted, pushing back laughter at Kakuzu's grumpiness.

"Hidan, just get the fuck out of this room. I know all you want to do here is piss me off, so just leave now. Or stop that retched singing." Kakuzu turned to glare at his albino partner. Was this boy's goal in life to make him incredibly irritated to the point of murderous intent?

"But Kakuzu, I don't want to leave, and I'll get bored if I shut up. And I don't think either of us want me bored, do we?" He smirked, knowing that Kakuzu was thinking what he was thinking.

Kakuzu hesitated. Hidan couldn't get bored. That was a no-no. Bad things, very bad things, occurred when that kid was bored. What happened when Hidan was bored; he got annoying. And the last thing Kakuzu needed was a young man by the name of Hidan annoying the shit out of him. He wanted to permanently silence that rambunctious boy. "Hn," he huffed, not wanting to satiate the albino by telling him that he didn't want him bored.

"Let's talk, yeah? Come onnnn." Hidan smiled up at Kakuzu, knowing he had the upper hand, as he sat down on his bed, looking up at Kakuzu.

Kakuzu looked over at Hidan and he had to bite down on his tongue. The albino was looking up at him from under his eyelashes, leaning back on his arms, and Kakuzu would be a damn liar if he said that Hidan was anything less than drop-dead hot. Now, Kakuzu wasn't one to be picky about gender, and thank god for that, since he was way below par in the looks department. So he couldn't help but feel physical attraction towards Hidan, but honestly, who didn't? Anyway, Hidan was a right prick, so Kakuzu's attraction came to a dead halt at the line between the looks and personality sections. Hidan was a nice piece of ass, but he was not only a rude bastard, he was a fanatic psycho, a masochist, a true asshole, and annoying, too.

Snapping out of his daze, Kakuzu sighed, placing his right thumb and index finger above his eyebrows. "Talk abut what?"

"You. Me. People. Religion. Missions. I don't really give a shit," Hidan said.

"Pfft, no."

"Why the fuck not?"

"You're an asshole, that's why. Why should I waste time telling you abut myself?"

"It's what partners do, I don't know," Hidan said. He had really wanted to talk, he didn't want to tease Kakuzu or anything. The man was a total mystery to him, what the fuck was wrong with wanting to know more?

"You're not my partner. I don't work with partners. You're an assistant, a weapon. An asset."

Hidan wasn't going to lie. Those words stung. He frowned and threw himself up from the bed. "Fine, prat. Be that fucking way, fucking hell. What the fuck are you going at, anyway? Who the fuck told you that you can talk to people like that? You're a right wanker. Jashin, and I actually tried to fucking start conversation with you, too." He headed for the door, and hesitated as he opened it. "You know, I don't think _you're_ a fucking asset." And with that, he slammed the door behind him, tired of trying to talk to the stitched ninja in the room he left behind.

Kakuzu sighed and went back to his work, the words sinking in, but not really affecting him. He didn't care anyway. No shit. "Asshole," he murmured, although he knew he was the one to blame.


End file.
